The Rube

Follow me at another place for now--

2012-01-27T11:47:00.000-08:00

Maybe I will come back here at a later time.

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/jennyrubin

xo

Rube Called Quest--

2011-09-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

Today it is raining. It is also the first day of Fall. Wait is it? Yes, I think it is. It is a day for tea drinking, dyeing my hair too dark and sitting and writing with my cat by my side. A day like this never gets old for me, no matter how many times we hear, "Oh I just love a rainy day, with a good book--yada yada"--but alas, this old line is true.
Now since you last heard my wailing cry about life---things have perked up a bit. Well, as much as life can in a world that is slowly dying. (Just kidding, that last line was for all you cynics out there)

However, I had spoken of my parents possibly going down the road to homelessness. They did not end up dancing to the tune of a Dicken's tale. They were able to stay in their home. The home that was once my home. I only hope things stay well for the degenerates, I mean, loving old pair and that I do not receive a call of crisis in another 4-6 months. This also means my precious dogs are not homeless and get to stay with the old bags, I mean parents. Since I usually worry more for the well being of animals, this part gave me an ulcer more than the thought of my once vibrant hippie parents on line at a shelter waiting for split pea.

I, myself am now residing in Staten Island. Which, well, I wouldn't exactly call it an island. It's not that cool, but I guess it is one of the boroughs and indeed it is not going anywhere. Funny, how life goes and the path it take you on. I had always vowed that out of all the boroughs, I would never live in Staten Island--even more then the Boogie Down Bronx. (By the way the Bronx is up, so I don't get it) Anyway, I'm in Staten Island. It's like a cross between a nice small town and crack alley. Everyone on the bus is toothless and muttering to themselves. No--it has beautiful homes. (That was for all you uppity Staten Islanders out there)

So, since my parents basically came in my home, caused chaos and financial hardship, I had to get out. Which is really for the best. I mean, it had been my home, but they were never going to be able to afford to move again and I didn't want to live like Charlie and the Chocolate factory forever. My Father, in his underwear like Grandpa Joe, burning hot dogs in the middle of the night, cigarette dangling in mouth, dancing with the dogs. "Don't worry Jenny, I'll pay the rent"----

So, even though I love my whack job parents, I have--as they say, felt a lot less stress. I now go to the occasional yoga class, get inspirational talks from loved ones and put a little money away. Staten Island is a temporary stay until I can check myself into a clinic. No really, hopefully find myself a nice little apt. Either with some old eccentric, or perhaps with my boyfriend. Or join a monastery, one where you can still smoke. Getting a little too old to hop around, but that white picket fence may just not be in the cards for me. I barely even say the word boyfriend anyway. I say asshole. No, but really I'm too afraid to change my relationship status on Facebook to "In a Relationship" in fear my boyfriend might find that too stifling. So, may have to paint that picket fence a shade of grey. Can't we all just buy an ice cream cones and skip down the street holding hands. A simpler life, without a status update. Perhaps just something real. I mean, really. I'm basically 41.

So, there is my update. For those who know me, they may, say, "Ahh, that sounds good." For those who don't, they may say, "What the hell is this old bag going on about?" Either way, go fuck yourself. No----enjoy your Fall. I'll warn you now, Hurricane Irene put a damper on things and there will be a shortage of pumpkins. Do your best. Slip into Uggs, drink a Chai, love your loved ones and cozy up with your animals. And do what you are supposed to do.

oh, and take Probiotics.

Love,

Jenny

Last thing--I hate my hair.

Down and out but trying-

2011-07-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

100 degrees. Consumed with nausea and worry. I wonder if my life is as bad off as this sullen Dunkin Donuts worker I see before me, scarfing a patriotic cruller. I need to put stuff in storage tomorrow and I can't pack because my power went out. Even my pets have sweat on their brows. How did I get here? Financial crisis and parents that may be soon homeless- yet again. Poor planning. Bad luck. Sickness. Just life. Listening to the calming and supportive words of others. Feeling safe for a second- then a sudden panic sets in and I feel like a poor rotting old woman praying for a rainbow that may never show it's face between the clouds. Laughing one moment. Hysteria the next. At least I'm not blind. I really feel that is the only thing that could make this daunting situation worse. I just wanna kick back with a lemonade- even a limeade- let my barefeet run free through grass while maybe some singer songwriter like Ray Lamontagne sings somewhere close by and a fuckin' seagull swoops down and tells me yes- it is going to be alright.

Life change is good. Scary but a must. Hoping with tragedy the humor comes a rollin' in real soon. I will look forward not back (although I am nostalgic as a vulture looking for death).

Love to all that care.

A world of things to discuss---

2011-07-13T12:26:00.000-07:00

But all I can think of is I hate this layout. However, I am not a web designer, nor do I care to be-so for now, I will stick with this nauseating peach and bird motif. And I don't want to hear a word about it. I have enough troubles in my life at the present time, so don't hassle me about layouts.

The picture above is my dog Fozzy. I have another dog, Sammy. I may post her picture at a later time. I love these fucking animals. I never thought I would be in a crisis so big, that I would have to consider giving them, away. I always thought "those" people who gave up their animals were irresponsible and heartless. But now I see these things do happen. And yes, they can happen to you.

My life is at a crossroads. It is very stressful and I have decided to begin to break free and try to lessen this stress. Although, part of me has no energy and would prefer to lay down in the gutter and have wild horses trample me. But another time for that.

As for now--I must leave my home of five years. This home began with a husband and many pets--and ended with sick elderly parents headed toward eviction. I have had ups and downs--mostly downs, but have never given up hope, stopped working and most importantly I have kept my sense of humor. I mean, I still want to run into a bus and sleep for a year, but I manage. Life is handing me plates of shit over easy and I am trying to eat it all and still save room for dessert.

I love my animals. I love animals in general. They make me cry, even when there is nothing to cry about. I will save my cats--even if they have to sit in my stupid Forever 21 purse for the next 18 years-----My dogs-- I will learn to forgive myself--or not. But I pray that I can find them a home in the country. A better home---than even I can offer. (Tears dripping down my leg)

I wanted to begin writing again--I want a trip to Tuscany too, but I will stick to the writing for now. I am starting this blog--driblets of feelings and stories,a little at a time in hopes of eventually writing a novel. Stuffing the fear that my story doesn't count down the toilet.

At this point-I want to title my book--"Look, I grew up in New York, I'm Forty---what the fuck?"

Until next time-----although I may be slightly busy packing my incense and candles, waiting for my Father's latest Cancer results and buying another cute $20 dress---I must look decent during a crisis at least.

xo

**I also want to acknowledge and thank a very special person who is helping me during this time, offering me a place to stay and letting me cry about 2,486 times a day. (Thank you BW~)

I still exist---

2009-11-23T14:57:00.001-08:00

More to come....

A Summer Wind-

2009-07-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

Here is a beautiful Summer flower. I know this , because I googled, "Summer Flower" to capture a certain feeling I need right now. I would love to be standing in the space where this flower resides. But I am not. I need to be okay with that. And I am. I am okay with the fact that I am not standing near a wild flower in some stunning garden, possibly even near a beach. I am okay that, instead of paradise, I am seated in an uncomfortable chair in front of my computer, in Weehawken. It's okay though. I've got a big bubbly glass of ginger ale, with lime. A lot of ice. A few animals lazily graze around the room---and the Facebook window is up--not far away--So as not to miss anything.
The last time I wrote here, on this page, that sometimes goes unnoticed, I felt wildly depressed. Right now, I feel better, but still often worrisome about....well, everything I guess. The Summer days are slippin' away and I feel like I should be doing more. But----I'm just here trying to figure it out. Trying to be creative. Trying not to worry that I will forever be penniless. Trying not to worry that I won't ever be able to be a mom to more than animals. The usual things. For those of you out there who find yourself worrying. Well, I don't know. I could say stop. But it's tough. Do what you can to find ways to make yourself happy. I wish I could help ya, but I am just sitting here in Weehawken.
It's really quite nice. Next week, I will be scampering off to Martha's Vineyard for a much needed escape. I know, I say I am poor and then all of a sudden I'm at the Kennedy Compound. Well, I am traveling via the $1 bus to Boston. Check it. That way I can still afford a Mangotini when I step off the ferry----in White Linen. Hopefully, the travel will rejuvenate me and I can continue writing and trying to give something more of myself. Until then. xo

It's been a long time coming---

2009-06-04T07:05:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I have made the invisible internet world aware of my existence. I have been on a journey. I won't really say it's one of those amazing, trip to Nepal- gotta figure it all out journey's either. It's more of---shall we say-----the shittiest journey I have ever been on my life. Because for the most part, my life has been good. Very good. But this past year---or even the past two years has been shit. I am not going to sugar coat anything. I don't care. I gotta put it all out there, just to get by. Seriously.
A couple of weeks ago I had my fifth miscarriage. I think with six, you get eggroll. I have been pregnant off and on, for two years. The entire first two years of my marriage have been spent getting pregnant and losing it over and over again. It is painful and scary and a very solitary time for me. I don't think people fully understand the impact it can have on a woman. It is heartbreaking. And like I always, say, I'm basically 40---time is passing me by like crazy. It's crazy----crack addicts have babies every second. Me? I have a fruit shake and the baby dies. Oh, I know it will all work out. People always say that---"You'll be a mom one day"----"at least it happened early"------ha--When somebody's parent dies, do ya say---"well, at least ya have another one"-----Ahhh, but they don't mean any harm. And it is a hard subject to talk about. But it's funny, I have no problem talking about it. As you can see, I have no problem, since I am blogging about it. But, society continues to whisper it like a disease. ** The lovely picture above was taken right before my recent d&c surgery. I tried to take it like a trooper---but man, it was hard.

So---I have been dealing with this crap along with the rest of life and all it's joy. My husband just got fired recently, which is great, because I haven't been working for a couple of months and there is nothing under our mattress except dust---well, there is actually no dust, because I have ocd and clean the house from top to bottom. Every day. We have four animals, who I make sure eat better than us. Not true, we actually have five animals, because my parents are on their own journey to depression and have been living in hotels since early December. Let it be known, these Hotels are not resorts in St. Maarten---they are like tiny ants of Hotels, barely even noticeable on any map. I miss my parents. I long for those easy times, sitting around drinking too much coffee, laughing and listening to their old albums. I barely see them now.
So--I sit here, drinking decaf--writing these words, in between Facebook check ins--hoping people still know I exist. I realize I need to write a book----and if I could let myself just do it instead of making up excuses, it could be half finished by now. But I worry, it won't be good--or where do I start---or who cares---So I begin on this blog--hoping things will just flow. There is no bullshit here. If you came looking for a note on Strawberries--I do apologize. I gotta just put down truthful words about my life right now. That is what is going on. That is what I am feeling.
Come again---xo

Life is just a bowl of cherries-

2009-03-09T06:41:00.000-07:00

--And if I'm going to be poor, I want to look like this. The brooding Flapper. A cute pixie cut and an empty bank account. A flask instead of a gun to shoot myself because times are so tough. I don't want to go the local bar and try to sip other people's drinks because I don't have enough for my own. I wanna hit up the old Speak Easy on Charles St.-I wanna smoke 18 cigarettes and talk about books, while sipping gin, that was made in 'Cal's attic. I want a Jazz Band--I wanna sing. I wanna wear my slinky emerald green dress with tiny raindrop beads and I wanna sing! Some smokey tune about how some old drunk left me --headed west for a better life and left me behind--I wanna sing! and maybe some liar of a man in a tattered suit will slip me his business card. He'll tell me he's got a a little joint in the South of France where I can go sing all night in the bars on the beach and live for free. I'll be tan all day so it won't matter that I'm aging. I'll be the envy of all at this old Speakeasy. It will almost seem like I'm a somebody for a minute. I'll stay there all night singing, smoking, drinking and being the it girl of the daunting depression. Then I'll slink out in the early hours, squinting, because I've forgotten my glasses. I'll saunter on home, strappy heels in hand, feet calloused and torn. I'll sit on my little window seat covered with lace I stole from some dressmakers shop. I'll sip strong hungarian coffee and write another chapter on the Underwood. It won't matter that I'm poor. It won't matter at all.

Is it another year already?

2009-01-09T09:04:00.001-08:00

Where did the time go? Where did I go? Well, I am still here-barely. Haven't written since September and in the chance that many of you think I may have passed away, like an old faded piece of torn scrap paper---I have only been away for awhile. (Mentally) I wish you all a Happy New Year. So much as happened since I last wrote I don't even know where to begin. Between, President Elect Obama and the fact that I have yet another furry creature living under my roof, it's enough to just be bursting with too much to report. So I will keep it brief. Here are some things I would like to work on this next year--

Do not adopt another animal. Even if a cute little Koala comes tap tapping on my door, with it's little suitcase and hat. Slam the door!

Try not to worry so much---about bullshit, like unwanted hair, wrinkles and money.

Spend more time writing. (even if it is the stupid blog, that nobody reads)

Have a kid already--

Thank you and Good Luck to all

I Love Old Things

2008-09-24T08:56:00.000-07:00

I think I am obsessed with things that are old. I am always talking about how things used to be-- old times, old days, old New York. I'm getting old, could I be obsessed with myself as well? No, but I am becoming one of those people that is always telling you about how things used to be. Jesus, I'm not even 40, but I am pretty nostalgic. What the hell am I gonna be saying at 80? Just knock me over the head with a hammer then, please.
But lately, I have been a bit teary eyed about the demise of New York. Well, maybe I'm being dramatic, but there are sure some changes taking place that I am sure one day, we will barely be able to distinguish New York from any other mediocre city. Every few months, some other great piece of history dies. This week it was Yankee Stadium. Now, I don't want to hear all the droll about how the Yankees suck. Old Yankee Stadium is a piece of history and soon it will be demolished, like everything else. Sure, there will be a new one. It will be bigger, better, slick and fabulous. But I don't want that-I want old and haggard. Give me the grit of old New York. For god sakes, bust open a fire hydrant in the summer, so the kids can run through it. Paint some graffiti on a wall. Let some kids hang out on a stoop in the prime of their youth. Rent a room at the Plaza-oh sorry, there are no rooms left. What also has me on a tear this week is, I just heard about the new plan to kick everyone out of The Chelsea Hotel. Apparently it is being sold and they want to give all the artists and people who have lived there for 30 years and over, the boot. Of course they do. Oh but they are going capitalize on the fact that famous people have lived and died there, to get people to stay there for $500 a night. They'll probably make some fancy new pamphlet to give out to all these poor tourists that don't know what's what anyway. Meanwhile, why not just let the tourists know about the history as well as letting them know the artists still live there! Ugh-
Ok--let me settle down here. There will be more of old New York posts to come. Although, one question comes to mind whenever I spend my energy writing here----Does anyone read this anyway?

Time For New School Books

2008-08-26T08:38:00.000-07:00

Yes--it's time--time for Fall----(well, almost) This is the time each year, when I decide to make a fresh start--get a new pair of boots, a new leather bound book, where I will begin my Austenesqe novel, written by gaslight. This is the time in the year where I wish I would have become a lawyer. Then I could put on my new cozy sweater, smart looking jeans and waltz right into that cute little entrance by the park, that leads to the nyu law dept. I could have been somebody---but instead I'm just a bum dreaming about the first day of school again.

I encourage you all to make this Fall different----

This could happen to anyone-

2008-06-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

You always look at homeless people and wonder --how did it actually come to this. How did things get so bad, that there is no other option than this. Someone will always be able to help, right? But sometimes, there is nothing that can be done and years of mistakes and never saving for a rainy day can lead to this. I know a couple of people who are on the verge of this and I can't help them. I don't think it will come to this actual form of hell, but I see how quickly it can become a possibility. So, those people that once dined by the beaches of St. Maarten, had cozy dinners in warm apartments, with many laughs and deep conversations --who gave me anything and everything I wanted, could actually be two steps away from being homeless. God bless them. xo

Goodnight George

2008-06-23T06:35:00.000-07:00

Another good one dies----Man, pretty soon, who's gonna be left? xo

It's the little things in life-

2008-06-15T12:05:00.000-07:00

These are the things that make me smile-or touch my heart when I feel like giving up and crawling in a ditch-
Take this pig, for instance--little guy didn't want to walk through mud-but look at 'em go now in his little wellies---He's not scared-
Sometimes, ya gotta just get up, throw on your wellies and punch life right in the face-

I love this pig-

I Dig Old New York

2008-06-08T11:46:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wNYeip0y-E

Big Weekend

2008-05-29T10:59:00.000-07:00

Ahh, just me and my husband, Jasper out for a stroll-The city is beaming this weekend, and we, of course, can't even walk two feet, without having to stop for a photo.

Toodles-

Two steps away from being a lady of the night-

2008-05-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

That's all I have to say

This is how I feel about my youth-

2008-05-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

"Time it was and what a time it was it was, A time of innocence a time of confidences. Long ago it must be, I have a photograph Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you"

-Simon and Garfunkel

I'm Basically 40

2008-04-13T15:02:00.001-07:00

-and I wish I looked as cute as this old French poster-but instead I'm home with toothpaste on my face.

Save the date---Come see my One woman show (a work in progress sorta) Friday May 16th -7pm 300 West 43rd St. at The Roy Arias Theatre $10----Come hear me blabber on about having miscarriages------- with a smile-Having no money--and being a married invisible woman-

Watching a documentary right now about French women in film---they are all gorgeous-Also, I realized, it doesn't matter what foreign actors say in films, they might even be a mediocre actor, but they seem amazing, because of the accents. Americans-you can read us like a book--if we suck-it's pretty damn obvious.

This week I am pissed off about ----American Idol-----You know what you've done-

I used to live here

2008-03-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

This is Horatio St. I grew up on this block. I sold Lemonade on this block--yeah, for 25 cents. (No, it wasn't the forties) I walked to school from this block. I threw pomegranates out a window on this block. I carried a Christmas Tree home with my father on this block. I wore my first pair of high heels on this block. I listened to music blaring out of boom boxes on this block. I played with some of my best friends in the world on this block. This was my block. I can't afford to live on this block now. I can barely afford these cute shoes in this arsty picture-of this block. I can't afford to live in New York City. I will be moving to Rhode Island in the Fall. I would like to come back one day and raise my kids on this block. xo

Family I barely know---but should

2008-03-09T18:41:00.001-07:00

This is my cousin, Jamie Rubin. This Rubin is doing alright--But I have not seen him since my Grandmother's unveiling(that's like jewspeak for a second funeral, sorta) He seemed very funny and chain smoked, so I totally understood how we were related. I feel like I should know him more-Maybe I could have gone to the White House, when he worked with Madeleine Albright and a guy named Clinton. Then he married the fascinating and well accomplished, Christiane Amanpour. Now, I should really know her. We should be having tea on the top of a castle in Salzburg, and she should be telling me about her latest trek to Nepal. Sadly, I have not met her and she is now my cousin too! The fact is, they are my family and I don't even know them. The biggest memory I have of Jamie is when he was a hippie back in the late 70's/early 80's and he used to come over to hang out with my parents and talk about Dead shows----and he would always somehow make the dog pee on the floor. I'm sure not many people on CNN know that. Anyway--that's it---Just feel I should know people in my family more than I do. Because you always learn more about yourself when you get to know other characters and personalities in your family tree. Jamie and I could have the same slight case of ocd and we wouldn't even know it! Goodnight John Boy.

And the winner is.....

2008-02-24T12:02:00.001-08:00

I don't care--this day has always been like Christmas to me---since I can remember, circa age three, I have been watching this monstrosity and loving every minute of it. Still dreaming, to this day, of possibly one day---well, winning--Or at least attending. So, today I bunker in, soothing face mask on, snacks in the cabinets -ready to see who wins----even though we all know the odd name we will hear the most tonight is Juno--Which of course, sweet as punch, witty as the winters are bleak, but I mean-------is it really the best pic? Although give me 18 Junos as opposed to one big production Ghandhi or The English Patient anyday--

Thank you and goodnight--you all look stunning
xo

Highschool Days

2008-02-15T09:28:00.000-08:00

This picture takes me right back. Classic--just found this online, it was taken outside my Highschool or Junior Highschool-(they were right next to eachother)---circa --well circa the 80's. This picture looks like the cover of a New Edition album---but I knew these guys--the best----life was simple then--------now I feel old again, get me my cane, son.

I Lost Two Babies This Month

2008-02-12T15:37:00.001-08:00

--A real one------and my comedy show, Max----
and this is all to make me stronger--or some bullshit like that-----or so "they" say

xo

Man, that just 'aint right-

2008-01-22T15:15:00.001-08:00

I'm Not There

2007-11-25T11:02:00.000-08:00

Just saw the new movie, I'm Not There"-last night. I can tell it's going to be one of those movies I feel the need to see again in the theatre. Being a long time huge Dylan fan, I was a little skeptical at first, about how this film was going to play out. Different people playing him, Cate Blanchett? What? (Meanwhile, she was pretty much the best Bob in the film) But after seeing it, it was like, oh of course-How else could it be portrayed? He's such a famous and intricate character, what one actor could really portray all of him anyway-and why would we want just another straightforward biography----so Thank you Todd Haynes for getting the job done-I enjoyed it-and now I feel like only listening to Bob Dylan music- Pretty funny, when I think back to being about five years old, and my mother (also a huge Dylan fan) had just purchased Blood on The Tracks-I was a little scared of Bob back then, especially when she would blare Idiot Wind at volume 10-and I would slam my door--it only took about 10 or 12 years for me to appreciate the meaning of that song. And then I developed a deep love for exactly what I was afraid of as a little kid-Thanks Mom-and Bob---

Givin' Up Food For Funk

2007-11-17T08:55:00.001-08:00

Just waking up ---Saturday morning--I got my decaf in hand-which is ever so daring I know---But I am givin' up food for funk-I don't need a bagel--I need to feel the funky funk---I also want to meet this guy on this album cover--I gotta tell him-- Dave--it's the best worst album cover I have ever seen-Zip Zap Rap!

The boys had a great show at The Back Room last night--was happy to be a part of the hilarity--AND the amazing Jim Gaffigan stopped by for a set--so funny---and the best Bacon material out of anyone-

Have a nice weekend--and please do yourself a favor and check out my show, MAX, at Ochi's lounge at Comix on November 28th-

Love Rube

I Love Fall--

2007-11-10T06:29:00.000-08:00

I also love this album---and basically Bob looks like he's dressed for fall---you can almost see the leaves falling around his face--you can almost smell the woods--I don't know-it looks like a fall album---I just took my dog for a walk and it smelled so good and fall like out there, that I had to make note of it-Do yourself a favor guys--get a dog--it's a life changing experience-it's like the smell of Fall year round---and you can never sleep in again-

Sometimes It's Hard-

2007-11-07T07:28:00.001-08:00

My life, that is, but I know, I'm not special. Why should I gripe about my life, when everybody's got somethin' to write home about. I guess I just wish it was as simple as this picture. I think we had a copy of it in my parents house, when I was growing up. I think I wanted to live this lifestyle, whatever that was. I mean, I think this lady is about to drink Absinthe. So that might have been weird for a kid--But it does look exotic--doesn't it?
So, now it's November---I feel like my favorite time of year is slipping by me---I'm gonna miss the foliage, just simply due to my own melancholy--Halloween is already gone---and now I gotta quickly make a new hand turkey drawing, because Thanksgiving is 2 weeks away---and then my birthday comes-where I will be 37---Who ever dreams of being 37? It's an odd age----you're not 35--which seems like a milestone--and you're not 40 (thank god)-you're just sittin' there---37--boring--(I secretly love 37, because it has my favorite number in it, which is 7)
Anyway---just feeling down----I look like the phantom, I've probably got dog shit on my heels, and I gotta host a show tonight, that nobody ever comes to, even though everyone says how great it is--but where are they then? So, this is what ya get----ya go to seek out a light blog from a comedian, and ya get Sylvia Plath---Love ya

I'm Old-

2007-10-31T18:02:00.001-07:00

I realized tonight, I am an older person. Most of the time, I feel like a spry little thing, usually gleeful and full of that eight year old zest-But tonight it hit me, as I picked up the garbage outside my house, I am almost 40. Ya see, years ago, I would have been the one that knocked over the garbage cans on Halloween--maybe even thrown an egg----But tonight, I stood there, picking up garbage, muttering to myself like a crazy old woman.
I also missed my show tonight and I feel all alone right now on Halloween, which we all know is basically a Holiday now----So, I am all alone on the Holidays-Have fun out there--throw an egg--

Big Show Tonight!

2007-10-24T08:43:00.001-07:00

Don't make me have this expression on my face tonight-----Please come to the fabulous debut of my show MAX! I was at the Chicks and Giggles debut at Ochi's lounge last night and it was so much fun. Therefore tonight, could be even more of a mind bending experience. Come and check it out, if you have the guts--

I love ya---

http://www.comixny.com/ochislounge.aspx

It's a sad day for all---

2007-10-19T13:17:00.001-07:00

We'll miss you Joe!

Who Loves ya?

2007-10-15T11:30:00.001-07:00

I just couldn't resist----This dog was part of the ugliest dog competition--Look at him! Think of him, when you are looking in the mirror and just not feeling special--Look at this guy--see what he goes through on a daily basis--Don't ya wanna give him a kiss--

My last MAX show is at the soon to be deceased Mo Pitkins this Wed--The debut of MAX will be at Ochi's Lounge at Comix next Wed--Come show your support!

Love Rube

Save Joe!

2007-10-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

Basically---They can't fire Joe Torre. Joe Torre looks like my Father---Would you fire somebody's father? Especially my father--I mean, if you are reading my blog, you must kinda be interested in me. Therefore, you wouldn't want anything to happen to my father would you! Well, actually my husband probably would. He is a Boston fan, which makes him loathe the Yankees--Which means he's not dying to to hear one last bedtime story from Joe----Joe, who looks like my father. Basically my husband hates my father.

This Week!

2007-10-09T08:12:00.001-07:00

This week marks the last "Thursgay" at Mo Pitkins--Come see your favorite androgynous duo, Bryan and Rexxx--They are back from a tour in Slavia, where they Deejayed at a pig factory by day, danced the night away in a ditch, where locals threw rocks at them--So daring!
Now, they are back, bruised and better than ever! Come see them this Thursday at 8pm in that 'ol hag, Sadie's lounge--

Love you Shawn!

I Miss This-

2007-10-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

It's been three weeks--and sometimes I feel like something is missing----and it look something like this. Pretty isn't it---

We Can Live Again!

2007-10-04T05:46:00.001-07:00

It is official. My beloved weekly comedy show, MAX, that I co -produce with the famous Matt McCarthy will be moving to Comix Comedy Club on Wednesday October 24th-
http://www.comixny.com/
It will be an amazing line up-obviously!--I mean, why I would I write that they were awful? That would be embarrassing to their families-

We are very happy to have found a new home for our show and look forward to all of you coming and supporting us. Of course, when I say all of you, I am referring to my many fans who read this mind bending blog.

Love Rube

Mo Pitkins is soon to be Six Feet Under

2007-09-27T10:39:00.001-07:00

Man---all jokes aside, what are we all going to do? For two years, the best of the downtown comedy scene has been making Mo's their home. I have been running my family style Stand Up show, MAX, there, with fellow comedian, Matt McCarthy--Mo's has housed, Chicks and Giggles, Shark Show, Thursgay, Two for the Show, How to Kick People, Rejection Show, Ritalin Readings, Don't Touch Me There, Stripped Stories, Mortified, and the list goes on--Not to mention, Murray Hill and the whole downtown Burlesque scene, as well as great up and coming and well known musical acts. I feel like I have been here before--Back in the 90's (Cuz I'm old) I worked at the popular music club, Wetlands, which paved the way for a lot of great music as well as became a great meeting ground for all types of artists throughout the city-Of course, it had to go, like all the good ones do- because we need more sterile, no vibe, mass produced places, to make New York become the enemy! I am from New York, so it can never fully be my enemy, but it is such a shame these places cannot stay alive.
Where will we all go to perform? Now--Ya either gotta go to an armpit smelling dive--or the comedy "clubs", which all comedians loathe---or maybe a theatre space---But Mo's was not only a good venue (when they still served food and made sure the microphones worked and cleaned a little) for performers, but you could go to a million different rooms, hang, eat and end up seeing at least someone you know-(Not to get all "Cheersy" on ya, but it really was like that) It's really a shame--For me, this really gets me in the gut--I not only worked there and ran a show there--I met my fucking husband there! We had our wedding reception there! And now it will soon be just a mere pile of dusty wood and Stella dripping rubble! Maybe after, a Duane Reade, -or perhaps a slick velvet rope, we need ID, piece of shit-who knows-

But I will say, I will be sad on October 20th--But thankful, it did exist and we all got to develop our shows there and so much more. Thank you Mo's for that--Now go fuck yourself- xo

Now of course--Please come see the last Chicks and Giggles on Tuesday Oct 16th---The last MAX on Wednesday Oct 17th--and the last Thursgay on Thursday Oct 18th-- (well, at least the last ones at Mo's)
Love you guys!

At Least I Have This-

2007-09-12T14:10:00.001-07:00

This is a picture of my lovely husband-and our dog--My lovely husband was fired from his lovely job yesterday-The same job, that his lovely wife--me, was fired from two weeks ago. Ah, the life of newleweds---isn't it a hoot! However, we are the proud parents of this adorable puppy, Fozzy-who just won cutest fur baby of the month on an animal training website! So----at least we have that---When we both are starving, eating lint out of eachother's pockets, at least we have this. When I have to finally give up Comedy and committ to selling crack, at least we have this.

Out of Work---so therefore time to Blog

2007-08-28T12:39:00.000-07:00

Evidently, I am not famous yet, because I have not blogged since March of '06---I have been wondering what the problem was. Of course I know, that to become a well known comedian, you must be on Myspace, and the new phenomenon, Facebook---and of course maintain your blog with fascinating banter every day. I have not been doing this, and therefore, I am not famous. So, here I am, back and ready to collect my fame. There is also the fact that the man fired me last week---they wanna call it laid off---but let's call a spade a spade. Thank goodness I don't have to work right now--I can just be married, play with my new dog--and blog.

More to come....

Love to all and be sure to check out MAX at Mo Pitkin's every Wed at 8pm-

And I think my life is hard......

2006-03-30T07:22:00.000-08:00

Think about how Wolf Boy feels--If I couldn't get rid of my unwanted hair--this is probably what I would look like--I saw a documentary on this fuzz faced family last night--Sweetest family you would ever know----They just need to shave their faces---

Happy, I think it's Spring day--And Save The Date----Sunday June 11th---MAX! Comedy Festival in the park---Will keep ya posted----yeah--when I add another post in 2007---

Office Space

2006-03-21T12:12:00.000-08:00

Okay--Seriously--Peter, from Office Space, said it best--"We were not meant to sit in an office and stare at a computer screen all day"--We need to run through fields in the afternoon, with birds singing around us---and sipping sweet beverages with lemon slices and running with cats----

This Jew does not look happy--

2006-03-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

Today was my last day at a job I've had for three years---and all I got was the chance to Google this Jew Kitty---No card---no farewell-------

This is what it's all about......

2006-03-01T06:53:00.000-08:00

This picture brings tears to my eyes----Seriously!

Come down to Mo Pitkins tonight ----these shows will also bring tears to your eyes-

It's Coming!

2006-02-28T09:13:00.000-08:00

This is serious people!

and please check out two amazing --seriously off the hook shows this Wed. night at Mo Pitkins-----
MAX at 7:30pm--then move into the big room for Mixed Tape--It's gonna blow your mind!

'Tis The Season--

2006-02-22T10:53:00.000-08:00

Anybody out there who knows me---and even if you are one of the unfortunate ones not to know me--it is Creme Egg time--I'll take 'em if ya got 'em---Thank you in advance--
I also wanna say that Bloggers have it tough--You pour your heart and soul into these posts--you rip out your guts and smear them all over the internet-sprinkled with some wit-and then ya wonder? Does anyone read them? Does anyone care?

Things I like today----The New Beth Orton Album
Things I don't like today----The fact that I watched "Dealing Dogs" on HBO last night and I will never be the same---One day, when I can afford something other than lint--I will have my own animal sanctuary--xoxo

Happy Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T09:13:00.000-08:00

Hope you're all out there getting some Love today---at least I love ya----now scamper off and fetch me some chocolates---Have a beautiful day----and come down to Mo Pitkins tomorrow night---for MAX! 7:30pm---
Featuring these hilarious people--
Michelle Buteau-Matt Daly--Michelle Maclay--Todd Levin--Nick Cobb--Ben Chaney --and Al Del Bene--

And free eggs-

Emmett Otter's Jugband

2006-02-09T14:06:00.000-08:00

See it---Live it--Love it--

I feel like this today--

2006-02-09T11:29:00.000-08:00

What a cute little Jew-

2006-02-08T11:01:00.000-08:00

His name is Jewie--I swear--

It's Over

2006-02-01T06:55:00.000-08:00

Drive Through Liquor stores-C'mon!--It's perfect-you're cruisin' down the highway in your Coup---you're parched--ya figure you'll pull over to quench your, dry as sand paper, throat---ya pick up a bottle of Thunderbird--drive on out--guzzle up---then suddenly, the lights are growing dim--where are you--you're in a ditch--

Don't forget MAX tonight! 7:30 at Mo Pitkins-Free!

The Ledger

2006-01-31T08:02:00.000-08:00

Oscars----Love it---
Gimme the mountain---

Oh--and come see MAX tomorrow at Mo Pitkins --7:30pm-No cover!

Bigfoot

2006-01-27T08:43:00.000-08:00

I just read that there has been another Bigfoot sighting in Malaysia. What the hell is going on? Why is he always spotted in some far away land?--I mean, seriously-When we will he hit the big town?---When will he pack his little bag made of bark and hop on Amtrak-We need Foot! We need something. I think he just needs a friend. Look at him-So glum. But more importantly, where is Humanzee-(which I like to pronounce, like, Jumanji--such a fun film) Anyway--Humanzee is half chimp --half human--He once worked for a family where he did all the housework and helped out with day to day activities. So sweet, was the humanzee--But then the old coot started hitting on the wife and humanzee got the boot--Where did he go? Humanzee! Are you out there?

And now--Plug it in--Plug it in--
I will be at Smut Monday night at 8pm at Galapagos-
Don't forget the next installment of MAX-Hosted by me-and Matt McCarthy--Wed Feb 1st 7:30-
Also--Don't worry all my talented friends--I will be adding all your links soon--they'll be the same ones that everyone else already has--(You know who you all are)

Year of The Dog

2006-01-26T08:52:00.000-08:00

It is here people. Finally, it is the year of the dog again. 1970! I'm sure there are other years that fall under the year of the dog, but you can go look those up. I see a lot of loyalty coming our way this year--a lot of loyalty.
This dog looks like a Max.

Tired of the rat race-

2006-01-25T13:03:00.000-08:00

This is what happens to people who work day jobs and are not able to concentrate only on their career of choice---or when they are not able to fly off to Tuscany and eat grapes and sit at cafes and write in leather bound books, instead of a Blog-

Today

2006-01-23T08:23:00.000-08:00

Today sucks. It's raining-There are no Holidays to look forward to--No cigarettes to be smoked to fend off the venom that is dripping out of my brain--There are too many plans to make-To many things to do--But other than all of that, I feel great-

I See How It Is-

2006-01-20T07:39:00.000-08:00

My good friend, Carolyn remarked that it was unbelievable that I posted 4 times in 16 months---It's on, miss undiscovered superstar-Forget it fuckers, I'm going to post every second of every hour--I'm gonna make you sick- Seriously though, how does anyone have time to live these days, with the blog, website, myspace, space blogspot--I need peace---

Check out The Social Variety Show tonight! 7pm 10 bucks--(I know--can you believe it's 10 bucks?)
158 West 72nd St., 2nd Fl.
It will be hysterical-Featuring, Carolyn Castiglia, Katina Corrao, Matt McCarthy, Theron Steiner, Allen Warnock-me--and Hosted by Shawn Hollenbach ("He's so cool") Produced by Michelle Maclay

Love,
Mrs. Garrett

MAX

2006-01-19T06:55:00.000-08:00

First I need to hide from the shame of not posting since October---Forgive me all ye serious Bloggers--Can I even be allowed back in the precious kingdom?----
But the real deal here is----I need to discuss the great success of the debut of my show MAX--Well, not only my show--I share the honor of this new comedy show, with the one and only Matt McCarthy--The room at Mo Pitkins was packed---so for those of you out there that say to yourselves, "hmm. what is MAX?"--Just check us out the first and third Wed of every month at Mo's-"It's the buzz"---it is-but I just like saying that word, buzz--
This post will be brief--Nobody needs a lengthy sermon right now and I actually have to get back to work, where nobody cares about MAX, or comedy, or cute penguins--I'm tired-This lifestyle is killin' me, but I wouldn't change a thing.
These performers were on MAX last night and they need to be addressed here---I love these guys-Baron Vaughn, Billy Wood, Shawn Hollenbach, Michael Muldoon, Katina Corrao, Allen Warnock and Carolyn Castiglia --and of course, Matt McCarthy
www.redrube.blog.com

Another Year Already-

2005-10-13T12:21:00.000-07:00

Okay--Seriously--What is the point? My last entry was one year ago-I'm thinkin' maybe I should start this blog dribble up again--Afterall, Blog is the new Black--I am also going to dedicate this entry to my good friend, Carolyn Castiglia, who has been after me to start this shit up again since last November--Plus-She just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl--Adriana---Although, How can I really say she's beautiful, I mean I haven't seen the thing yet, it could look like this little creature I have posted---But so cute --that little creature--

Anyway--I'm going to make it a point to "Blog it Up"--again--because I hear that is the only way to make it in Comedy---I'm gonna make this one short, because I can, it's raining like ass, and I'm pretty sure I just broke another tooth shoving a leg of lamb down my gullet.

Check out some upcoming shows-
This Monday-Oct 17th--I'll be talking some SMUT-8pm
http://www.galapagosartspace.com/events.html

Wed. Oct 19th--Come to The Social 9pm
www.thesocial.tv

Thursday Oct 2oth-8pm
Check out "Coming Out"--The Tank Theatre--
www.mintyfreshcomedy.com

Love and Jews

Cat Stevens is Back

2004-09-24T19:58:00.000-07:00

The question of the day is-Is Cat Stevens a terrorist, or is he just being followed by a Moonshadow?---Tough to say, folks--I just miss his old tunes-Harold and Maude--anyone?
so, is it wrong that I decided to call it an early night, on a Friday and go home and curl up to a nice Bon Voyage for Barbara Walters --Will 20/20 really be the same? How will we go on? Is it wrong that I got sucked in to the gripping tale of a dillusional woman who decided it was okay to get cozy with a twelve year old boy? I mean where is the harm in that? She claims the boy "seduced" her--yeah right-how? By dangling his gym socks before her eyes? Ooh--sounds enticing-
So, I guess I'm not much of a Blogger--I think the last time I wrote was two weeks ago--well, I've been tired. Hard to come up with witty banter on a regular basis-I'm just trying to live my life here people-wondering why I spend most of my days plucking my face until it's raw--I know, I am so pretty--I really envy girls that can wake up in the morning and not have to check their face for a shadow--Moonshadow that is--Why, I would never sit here and admit on the wonderful world wide web that I have unwanted facial hair- That would be suicide-
Anyway, sleep tight everyone--Be sure to check out The New York Underground Comedy Festival Oct.4th -Oct 10th--I'll be out there wanting to kill myself and throwing up a lot--Oh, I mean doing comedy--

Oct. 5th- at Laugh Lounge-Chicks and Giggles 8pm
Oct 6th-I'll be hosting the ever popular--Comedy Social- at Sin Sin-9pm
Oct 9th-at The Duplex-9:30pm- MintyFresh comedy

http://www.nycundergroundcomedy.com/

Love Rube

Also-my current favorite Blog--
http://gardenstate.typepad.com/

Good Times

2004-09-10T10:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this is my first try at having a little 'ol Blog--(which I prefer to actually call Blob)-I'm feeling a bit sick to my stomach today, so the shining words that I would normally bring to you, may not be coming out today. Right now, I am doing this at my office, instead of working, because life is short. I will soon be scampering off to a weekend of lounging around, drinking too much coffee and probably going to see Garden State because I am in love with it. It is definitely my joy this month. I will tell myself to quit smoking again because I am starting to resemble the Phantom of the Opera, except with more of a chartreuse color. Then I will decide that if I just throw a mint julep mask on, my face will be born again and I will be able smoke again.

I would like to give a shout out to all my favorite people--you know who you are--I got your numbers-I will be thankful today for plugging away at a career in comedy(please help me)--I will also be thankful that I do not need to use my tweezers today.

This is it--I got nothin' else today---Just wanted to say something--give the kid a break-

and Shawn Hollenbach is my idol. And I love you Mobo!

Have a nice day,

Love Rube

Come down and check me and my crazy friends out this Wednesday at the Comedy Social--I am hosting what should be a great show--
http://comedysocial.com/